


Entangled

by Autumn_Kismet



Category: Memeulous, WillNE, commentary - Fandom, eboys - Fandom, imallexx - Fandom, jamesmarriott, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bi, Commentary, Depression, Eating Disorder, Gay, M/M, Mental Illness, Romance, YouTube, chaptered fic, mentions of suicide and self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:53:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24075508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumn_Kismet/pseuds/Autumn_Kismet
Summary: With George, James, and Will worried about him and the deterioration of his mental health, Alex enlists some professional help.Bad at lying, and apparently worse off at keeping secrets than he thought, Alex seeks to “fix” whatever is wrong with him and accidentally finds more than he bargained for when in a moment of vulnerability a kiss is exchanged between he and James, leaving Alex with yet another thing to worry about.
Relationships: Alex Elmslie/James Marriott, Alex/James, ImAllexx/James Marriott
Comments: 9
Kudos: 78





	1. Seeking Something

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve never read a fic on these people before, I haven’t written in years, and I’m trying to keep myself sane, so... enjoy! 😂  
> Please don’t come for me if this isn’t how people usually write them, or isn’t really accurate to you, I’m just tryin’ and wanting to put something out into the world right now lol 
> 
> Also the HTML isn’t working properly on my phone, and my laptop is broken, so I’ll put the text that is meant to be them texting each other into italics when I can 😊 I hope it’s clear enough like this for now!
> 
> I hope you like this, I’m really anxious about writing again, but I felt inspired again for a change haha

Alex didn’t want to wake up. He felt safer, more at peace when he was asleep. It was like the opposite of waking up from a nightmare, instead of feeling relieved, Alex Elmslie opened his eyes to the heavily weighted sensation of dread. He couldn’t even pretend to himself, while still safe and warm under the duvet, that he was happy to start the day. There was a lot of back and forth through his mind, like an intensely sped up game of pong, except with eight little pixel “balls” representing a different concern, instead of just one. 

After a short putter around the flat as he pulled himself together for the day, Alex tried as best he could to slap on an enthusiastic face, Alex pulled out a slice of whatever pizza George hadn’t finished the night before and headed quietly toward the door in hopes that his flatmate wouldn’t notice his early departure. He wasn’t hungry, in fact the mere thought of food was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach, but he had to remain hopeful and maintain some sense of normality, and eating food like a regular human being with nothing wrong with them was normal. 

“Where ya off to this early, mate?” George’s voice interrupted Alex’s apparently not-so-stealthy exit, causing him to jump a little before turning around to face his friend.  
“Oh, er- hi, George,” Alex answered, reaching up to scratch the back of his head, “Why’re you up this early?”  
“It’s nearly half ten, mate,” George laughed, “what you up to?” 

Alex shrugged. He hadn’t thought of a lie yet. The truth was that he was on his way to see a new psychologist. He knew there was nothing wrong with it, he would always be the first to admit that getting help is healthy and something that more people should prioritise, but he just wasn’t ready to field questions. What if George asked why, or what was wrong? What if it came up with the rest of the boys, and suddenly they all began treating him differently, or watching his behaviour more closely? It was easier to lie, at least just for now. 

“Going to see Will in a bit, wanted to stop by the shops first,” Alex improvised, taking a forced bite of his cold piece of pizza.  
“No worries, mate” George replied, “You alright?”  
Alex stood perfectly still, frozen, as he continued to chew the food in his mouth and tried to ignore the feeling racing through his limbs. The bite of pizza was by now absolute puree, but for the life of him, Alex just couldn’t bring himself to swallow it. This entirely overwhelming sensation wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling at this point, but, as much as he knew he wasn’t actually shaking, that didn’t stop him from feeling like George could see the anxiety buzzing through him as he trembled. 

George stood quietly, watching Alex stand uncomfortably before him. When the silence became deafening, George took a step toward his friend, scanning Alex’s face. Nothing looked too out of the ordinary, but George knew Alex, and something just wasn’t quite right. As he went to take a second step in the direction of the front door, George watched Alex grimace as he finally swallowed the mush that could once be identified as pizza.  
“Ha,” Alex began with a chuckle, “yeah, mate, I’m fine. See ya later!” he called as he finally managed to escape the flat. George stood in place, puzzled for a moment, but once he could no longer hear Alex’s footsteps or the rustle of his bag in the hallway outside, he picked up his phone and pondered for a moment about whether or not this was something that would constitute mentioning to any of their other friends. 

George: Oi Will, Alex said anything to u?  
Will: nah mate, about what?  
George: He says he’s headed to yours later, seemed a bit weird is all  
Will: weird how? I haven’t got any plans with him yet, haven’t answered any other messages  
George: I dunno, he just seemed real off just now, not sure if it’s something to worry about or not  
Will: Marriott is here now, we’re just filming, but Alex’s texts say he’s coming over after. Nothin’ planned but you can join if ya want  
George: I’ve gotta check a couple things out so don’t think I’d make it sorry 

__

__Alex didn’t fancy himself much of a liar, but he supposed it was okay if he felt he needed to protect himself for now, especially since he had partially told George the truth. After his appointment he really was going to catch up with Will, if Will answered any of his texts, that is. As much as he was certain that he didn’t want his friends to know or worry about what was going on with him, Alex had a bit of a feeling that he might just need a friend later. As Alex approached the red bricked building, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he was somewhat grateful that he had discarded his piece of pizza at the beginning of his journey._ _

Will: Ye mate, filming now but will be done in an hour. 

____Alex felt a small weight lift from his chest, one less thing to worry about today. He sucked in a deep breath and looked up at the sign by the door to the therapist’s office, failing to read a single word as he pushed open the glass doors. He’d been there once before when he had to give in his referral and fill out some paperwork, but stepping inside this time felt different. Suddenly the green walls weren’t as calming as he had initially thought they were, the posters on the walls seemed polarising, and he felt as trapped as the fish in the small aquarium across the room. Despite it all, he greeted the kind-faced woman at reception and took a seat on the aqua-blue couch in the waiting room._ _ _ _

____“Hi, Alex! My name is Tahlia, I’m one of the psychologists with the youth mental health service here. It’s really nice to meet you,” Alex’s new psychologist greeted him once they were seated together in the small private room. “So, as I’m sure you’ve already got an understanding, we service people under 25 in the local community, and anything we talk about in this space will stay between you and the service unless we have concern to believe that you may hurt yourself or others. Do you understand?”  
Alex nodded. This wasn’t his first rodeo.  
“So,” Tahlia spoke again with a smile, “what’s brought you in here today?”  
What had brought Alex there? He grinned briefly, looking down at his feet as the false smile faded from his face.  
“I… er- I’m depressed?” he spat out with a level of uncertainty. _ _ _ _

____The reality was that Alex was there because he was scared. Whatever was happening didn’t start suddenly, or come about out of nowhere, but he felt everything and nothing all at once, and it was utterly terrifying that it took so long for him to notice. He’d felt like this before, he had always thought that if his mental health began to slip again that he would notice the signs, but that’s just not what happened. He felt the need to be silent all of the time, the skin around his eyes was weak, red and painful from crying through anxiety attacks almost daily. The anxiety was was messing with his head beyond what he remembered could be possible, and that in of itself had triggered a bout of depression and disordered eating as though it were all a neat three-piece set of mental health problems. Of course, that’s all a little much to confess to someone on a first meeting, in Alex’s anxiety-riddled opinion at least._ _ _ _

____It turned out that sitting and talking to this stranger had actually made him feel a little better. It was unlike anything he’d experienced in a while to be able to talk to someone completely removed from the world of YouTube, someone that didn’t have expectations he felt he had to measure up to in order to prevent letting them down or feeling like a failure. Tahlia had been understanding about his apprehension toward opening up all at once, and seemed encouraging of whatever Alex had been comfortable sharing and contributing to their session. He almost found himself wishing he could come back and do it all again tomorrow, but he settled for simply looking forward to seeing what would come out of the next week’s session. He took a deep breath as he stepped out from behind the building’s glass doors and into the warmth of the sun peaking out from behind the clouds. He had over-thought all of this, Alex thought to himself, there was nothing to stress about at all, and no reason to worry his friends._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Half a sandwich in hand and James Marriott by his side, Will Lenney turned off his computer monitor and headed toward the front door when he heard two short knocks. It was about 1PM, he and James had just finished recording and the two of them had taken a few minutes to throw together a quick lunch before Alex’s arrival.  
“That Alex?” James asked, slowly following Will through the flat.  
“I think so,” Will answered, his voice was quiet but his expression read loud as ever, “George said he’s been a bit weird today, so if you notice anything…” Will trailed off with a shrug and half a nod before opening the door. Will welcomed Alex in with the offer of a drink, which Alex declined, ushering him through to the lounge room. Alex let himself fall into the seat beside James with a grin, “what’d you guys film today?”  
“Reacting to reddit shit,” James laughed, pushing his dark brown hair a little more off of his face.  
“It’s not shite, it had dogs in it! That’s not far,” Will complained with a chuckle, “it was either that or reacting to satisfying videos number forty-seven.”  
“I think you already did that one, mate,” Alex laughed. _ _ _ _

____It felt good to be with his friends, to feel himself again as he laughed and joked. Time flew faster than any of them had realised, and in what seemed like three quarters of an hour (but was really almost five hours), the regular jokes and insults had flown around the room and Will’s not-so-secret stash of alcohol had well and truly been broken out. It wasn’t often that they did this at Will’s, Alex thought to himself, and if doing something a little different can still feel good and normal, then maybe it would go down just as well by him changing things up to improve his mental health. There was hope, and with hope came relief and a sense of security… or perhaps that part was the alcohol talking. Alex didn’t know, and he didn’t care._ _ _ _

____Glass in hand, one leg dangling over the arm of the couch, and surrounded by the laughter of two of his closest friends, Alex felt another small flood of warm wash over him and let himself sink further into the seat. The light chatter was interrupted by a gentle buzzing on the coffee table as Will’s phone lit up.  
“Ooh, someone’s popular!” James joked as Will slowly peeled himself from his armchair.  
“Ah, yeah,” Will rolled his eyes with a loud laugh, “Very funny, mate.” James and Alex watched as Will picked up the phone, his face looking almost confused for a brief moment before quietly excusing himself with a short chuckle as he ducked into his bedroom and shut the door. _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Seems important,” Alex observed, removing himself from his somewhat contorted position and sitting upright. He ran his fingers through his hair, straightened his pink hoodie so that it sat in a way that didn’t feel like he was being choked, and turned to look at James as he nodded in return, sitting beside him with his back to the corner of his side of the couch. James lifted his glass to his lips, taking a short sip before reaching to place it back down on the coffee table. James had always been a good friend to Alex, of course George and Will had been too, but there was something comforting about James; an added feeling of safety, maybe even protection. Alex couldn’t quite put his finger on it._ _ _ _

____“What did you get up to this morning?” James asked candidly.  
“Nothing,” Alex answered, trying to appear as natural as possible, “Just came here after lunch.”  
“George mentioned to Will that you went to the shops,” James said. It was casual, all very informal, but to Alex it felt almost like an interrogation.  
“Oh, er- I did. Didn’t buy anything though,” Alex’s eyes shifted to the ground as he lied unsuccessfully to his friend and fidgeted with his fingers. He was visibly anxious now, trying to keep it to himself as best he could just did not seem to be working for him.  
“Alex,” James lowered his voice, turning to face his friend a little more, “are you alright? It doesn’t matter, I was just making conversation. I’m sorry.”  
“No, no,” Alex breathed, “it’s all good.” _ _ _ _

____It wasn’t all good. He hated lying. He was a bad liar at the best of times, but a handful of drinks in? Worse. Nevertheless, he tried again.  
“No, I just forgot I went to the shops.”  
“You… forgot?” James questioned, “are you sure you’re alright, Alex?”  
“Yeah,” Alex sighed. “Yeah, I’m fine.”  
“Mate, if something’s going on…”  
“I just had a rough night last night,” Alex told him. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it felt better than straight out lying. But… if it felt better, why were tears beginning to run down his face? _ _ _ _

____Pushing back on the arm of the couch, James propelled himself forward toward his teary friend. With absolutely no idea what was going on, James embraced the quietly shuddering Alex in a firm hug. That’s something Alex had always appreciated about James, he wasn’t afraid of affection, and being held by someone bigger and stronger than himself was a solace.  
“I’m not doing very well…” Alex whispered into James’ chest.  
“I can see that,” James’ low voice replied, causing Alex to exhale a small chuckle as he gently pulled away.  
Alex looked up into James’ wide, hazel eyes, “I even know what to say, really,” he confessed, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “I’m sorry about this.” _ _ _ _

____James blinked, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, this is what friends are for.” Alex felt James’ hands wrap around his own as James continued, “It’s okay to not always be in a good place. I care about you.”  
Alex quickly leaned in and enveloped James in a proper hug this time, feeling James’ arms embrace him in return before looking up from James’ chest and, for reasons entirely unbeknownst to him, pressing his lips against James’. _ _ _ _

____The kiss lasted approximately three seconds, not that either of them were counting, but as soon as it was over, Alex scrambled from the couch and away from James as fast as he could.  
“James, I’m so sorry, just pretend- just pretend I didn’t just do that,” Alex, flustered and fighting back more tears, apologised.  
“It’s fine,” James answered him. He was trying to be supportive and understanding despite the shock of the sudden kiss, it wasn’t unusual to seek out that kind of comfort when upset, right? “Alex, where are you going? It’s fine, I promise.”  
There was no reply from the smaller boy, instead he grabbed his backpack from by the front door and prayed to any god that would listen that James wouldn’t tell anyone about what had just happened, or worse… that James didn’t hate him. _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Will looked down at his ringing phone, he couldn’t think of why George would be calling him, but after his texts about Alex earlier in the day, he was glad that his first thought had been to take it in another room. As soon as he answered the call, Will greeted his friend, expecting a normal greeting such as, “hi,” or “alright?”, instead he got something else.  
“Did Alex show up?” George’s voice sounded through the phone. Will could tell George was genuinely concerned but trying to sound as casual as possible, “He hasn’t been home again today.”  
“Yeah,” Will replied, taking a seat on the side of his bed. “He’s in the lounge room with James, seems totally fine, mate.”  
“Yeah, man… I don’t think he is. I, uh- I found something in his room when I was going through shit at home.”  
“Wait, wait,” Will chuckled nervously, “Why were you going through his room?”  
“Because I’m worried, Will!” George’s voice sounded exasperated, but he took a breath in and continued, “I found a garbage bag full of everything he’s ordered to eat over the last four days, almost all of it looks untouched, so I looked in the bin under his desk and there was a referral letter to a mental health clinic saying he was being referred for anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts or tendencies.”  
“What?”  
“He’s chucked it out, Will.” _ _ _ _

____Speechless. Will couldn’t find even a single word to respond with. If Alex had thrown away his referral, then that meant he wasn’t getting whatever help he needed, and if he had a referral stipulating suicidal thoughts or tendencies on top of depression and anxiety, then that meant things were serious. Will and the others were all well aware of Alex’s mental health history, including how that affected his eating. What started off less than twelve hours ago as a brief concern from George had very quickly turned into a full blown emergency. Will stood up and wandered back over to his bedroom door, following a strange urge to check on Alex as George continued telling him about his concerns and little odd behaviours he hadn’t thought anything of prior to this day. Will quietly opened the door and peeked out to the living room, spotting his friends in an embrace and hearing a deep shudder from Alex.  
“I think he’s crying,” Will told George quietly, “I don’t- I’m-” he stuttered, about to make another attempt to find whatever words he was searching for when it happened. Alex leaned up, his lips reaching for James’s before pressing against them. Stunned, Will quickly, but softly, shut the door once again and retreated back to his bed. There was no way he could tell George what he had just seen. To be fair, he didn’t even know what he had just seen, all he knew was that something was most definitely going on with Alex. _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____James heard the click of the front door as Alex vacated the flat. In a state of shock and confusion, he lifted himself from the couch and headed toward the kitchen sink to take a much-needed sip of water.  
“Yeah,” James heard Will’s voice from the bedroom as his friend opened the door and took a step out, “no, no. Thanks, mate!”  
Will ended his call and placed his phone down on the kitchen bench, using his right arm to lean by the sink. “Where’s Alex gone?”  
“He had to go,” James answered quickly, “He was a little shaken up, actually.”  
“Leave the two of you alone for ten minutes and you scare him away,” Will joked before his face shifted to a more serious expression. “What happened?”  
“Oh,” James stopped. “He just kind of got a little bit down and said he had to get home and do some editing,” he lied. _ _ _ _

______Will took in a deep breath as James looked on, puzzled by his friend’s expression._  
“George was just on the phone,” Will told him softly, explaining the phone call he had just had. “So, if he said or did anything weird…”  
“No,” James shook his head, “He just said he wasn’t doing okay and then kind of panicked and took off…”  
Will took his head into his hands, “Shit.”_


	2. Confrontation

The flat was quiet as James’ eyes traced the muted ray of sun that had filtered through his bedroom window. He had been awake for almost twenty-five minutes, just laying there, thinking about what had happened just a few days prior. The flash of memory replayed sporadically since then, Alex’s head buried in his chest, the pained feeling James felt in his chest at the idea of the smaller man being so upset… and then Alex suddenly kissing him and running away. There was a lot of conflict going on inside his head, torn between concern, confusion, and, more selfishly, he thought, hurt. 

Will: still meeting us at George’s?

It was an hour until he was due to meet up with Will and George in an effort to confront Alex, to tell him they were all there for him and try to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. James knew that Will had seen what happened, he wasn’t exactly subtle about it either, and as much as James didn’t want George to know, he was well aware that Will had already told him. The anxiety had swollen up inside him, wondering what Alex would think if the other two boys brought up the kiss. Would Alex think that James had told them? 

James’s mind flashed back again, this time to later in the evening when he was standing with Will, head in hands, in the kitchen.  
“Shit.”   
“I know,” James started, expelling a large breath before opening his mouth to speak again, “I-“  
“I know he kissed you,” Will interrupted. “I saw it through the door. What- what on earth happened?!”   
“He just kissed me and ran,” James confessed, Will just shook his head, “Will, I don’t have any other answers for you.”   
“Why would he just kiss you though?”   
“Because he was sad, and I was comforting him?” James suggested, “I genuinely don’t know, Will.”   
“Has he kissed you before? Have you kissed him?”   
“What? No! Will, you know I’m straight,” insisted James, realising that he’d sprinkled Will’s name in a little too much for their average conversation.   
“Okay, yeah,” Will nodded, calmer now, “Yeah, you’re right.”   
“Just please don’t say anything, Alex was really shaken and I don’t want him to think I’m telling people about it, or making fun of him… he was really not alright.”   
“Yeah, you’re right… except I’ve already told George,” Will shrugged, “We’ll keep it between us three.” 

James: Yeah, I’ll see ya soon

As much as he wanted to talk to Alex one-on-one about the kiss before a group “intervention” took place, James knew he had to be there. He had to show Alex that even though he had kissed him, he was still his friend, still there for him, and not mad at him in the slightest. Truthfully, James understood. Neither he, nor Alex, were the first to ever kiss someone in the midst of grief, depression, or sadness. Just because James was straight, it didn’t mean that he was against sharing a kiss with a mate now and then. He’d be lying if he said he had hated it. 

George and Alex’s flat was lit with the natural, dull light of the cloudy day outside when James arrived. George and Will had been sitting and chatting for a little while before he arrived, by the looks of it at least, so James joined them around the kitchen counter, taking a seat on the stool by George. After a few minutes, the conversation had died down a little and the three of them sat in patient silence for a moment before George spoke.   
“Alex a good kisser, then?”   
James could tell he was trying to make a joke, but it just didn’t land well with him. James forced a chuckle, Will also stifled his laugh, but it was clear that all three of them knew it wasn’t funny.   
“Sorry…” George apologised, “I didn’t mean it like that, you know?”   
“Yeah, mate,” Will breathed, “we know.” 

With that, there was the sound of keys at the front door. Alex stepped in, confused by the faint sounds coming from the kitchen, he could tell there was more than just George in there.   
“George?” Alex called out. There was the shuffle of stools as he rounded the corner into the kitchen, greeted by the faces of three of his close friends, George and Will looking at him, James’ gaze planted firmly at the floor. It was the first time Alex had seen James since Alex had kissed him days ago, they hadn’t even spoken between then and now.   
“What’s going on?” Alex asked, reading the tension room, “What’s wrong?” 

Alex looked between George and Will, both of whom remained silent, struggling to find the words.   
“We’re worried about you, Al,” James said suddenly. “We-”  
“What- what’s there to worry about?” Alex interrupted him, “I’m fine.”   
“The thing is, Alex, I don’t think you are…” George chimed in. Alex looked at his blue eyed friend for a moment before averting his eyes. He didn’t want to deal with this, he didn’t want his friends to worry, he didn’t want anything to be wrong in the first place. He looked back at his friends once more, James and Will nodded in agreement with what George had said.   
“I, uh, found this, Al…” George continued, sliding a crumpled piece of paper down the counter toward Alex. He watched as Alex took a few steps forward to grab the paper. 

“This is…” Alex struggled,   
“Really scary,” Will completed his sentence.  
“If you’re feeling this depressed, or even…” James struggled, “suicidal… you need help, Al. You can talk to us, or see someone, but you can’t keep this to yourself. We’re worried about you.”   
“And throwing away your referral isn’t gonna help you,” George shook his head. “You can’t- you can’t just not eat, Al.”   
“You went through my room?”   
“I- uh, yeah.”   
“George, you can’t just go through my stuff!” Alex deflected, “Do you see me rummaging through your garbage, and scouring through your room when you’re not home, and then telling everyone all about my findings?!”   
“It’s not just George, Al,” James’ voice interrupted, “we’re all worried about you.” 

“There’s nothing to worry about!” Alex argued, “I’m seeing a psychologist, that’s literally where I just was! I’m getting help, I’m trying to work on my eating, and I-”  
“Am suicidal?” Will took a few steps toward him, placing his hand on Alex’s shoulder.   
“I’m- I’m not… they just write that depending on some of the answers to the questions they ask. I promise,” Alex deliberately made eye contact with Will and George. James was once again looking down at the tiles, glad that neither Will nor George had brought up the kiss… yet. 

“I saw you kiss James,” Will broke the silence. Without another word, Alex turned and walked straight to his room. As they heard the close of his bedroom door, George let out a loud sigh.   
“Wow, thanks Will,” he planted his hands on the bench, his voice dripping with sarcasm.   
James let out a small laugh, “I’ll go and talk to him about it, just please,” he said, heavily emphasising his plea, “please don’t make this a big, weird thing for him.” 

There was a knock on his bedroom door, Alex, anticipating that whichever one of his friends it was wouldn’t wait for a response before coming in, rolled over on his bed to face the door. The doorknob turned and he watched as James poked his head around the door, entering and softly shutting the door behind him.   
“I swear I didn’t tell them,” James laughed, “Will saw, and he was on the phone to George. I wouldn’t have said a word. I know you didn’t mean it, and you were just really upset and vulnerable.” 

Alex sat quietly, nodding. He had worried about whether or not James had said anything, but he wasn’t surprised that the others had found out anyway. It was a… strange situation.   
“Thanks for not wanting to say anything,” Alex laughed, “I just wish none of this had happened at all, to be honest.”   
“Of course,” was all James could say.  
“I’m really sorry that I just broke down like that, and I’m even more sorry that I kissed you, then ran away and didn’t talk to you about it,” Alex‘s voice shook as he spoke.  
“I mean, I didn’t reach out either,” James chuckled, earning a small laugh from his friend, “I’ve thought about what happened a lot though.”   
“I know, I know,” Alex started, “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I promise it won’t happen again, and I know it was wrong. I’m so sorry, James.” 

“It’s okay,” James smiled, taking a step forward before sitting down next to Alex’s curled up body.   
“All of this is so humiliating,” Alex shook his head, “I want to sink into this mattress where no one can ever see me again. Start a new life as a bed bug or something.”   
“To be fair, you are about the size of a bed bug,” James joked, “so you’re off to a good start.”   
“What do bed bugs even eat?”   
“They bite the people in the bed,” James laughed, “good thing I don’t mind a bit of biting.”  
For the first time in a little while, Alex let out a loud laugh, sitting up to give James a shove. A huge grin spread across his face, and James watched as Alex flopped back down onto the bed. 

James gently placed his hand on the side of Alex’s bent knee. He had experienced his own struggles with depression in the past, and it caused him more pain and sorrow than he would dare to admit when he saw how it was affecting his friend. He just hoped that his friend would reach out if he needed to, since Alex now knew that he, George, and Will were there for him.   
“I’m glad you’re okay and getting help,” James said suddenly, coaxing Alex to look up from his hands and at James instead. “If you ever do feel suicidal or anything like that, promise me you’ll come to me. Please, Alex. If we lost you…”  
“You’re not losing me,” Alex replied, “I’m fine, and I’ll reach out if anything ever gets that far again.”  
“Again?” James queried, “I thought you said you were never suicidal and it was just what they put on the notes?”   
“It’s just- it’s not- it isn’t that simple…”   
“Alex, were you suicidal or not? You can’t lie to us about this… We’re here to support you and make sure you’re alright! How can we do that if we don’t know the truth?”   
“I was, okay?!” Alex snapped, positive that the other two boys would have heard him from wherever in the house they may have been. “I was suicidal and I tried to hurt myself. It wasn’t that serious, James, and I’m fine now. I’m fine. Everyone has anxiety, and everyone has depression, right? It’s fine, and it’s normal, and it’s fine.”   
“You’ve said that it’s fine an awfully large amount of times, Al. It’s not fine, and clearly neither are you if this is what’s going on. What happened, and when?” 

The question had barely left James’ mouth when the younger man suddenly stood up and exited the room. James quickly followed him, watching as Alex stormed past George and Will, both looking extremely confused, and stopped promptly.   
“What’s going on, Al?” George asked, wandering to the other side of the island bench to be closer to him.   
“James wants to know how I tried to hurt myself.”   
“You...” Will trailed off, “You tried to hurt yourself?”  
“Yes, Will!” Alex shouted, “Are you all happy now?!”   
“Why would we be happy about that?” Will responded fast and loud, causing James to pat his shoulder as if to tell him not to go too hard on Alex.   
“I want all of you to know that it’s none of your business, and that when I said I’m fine, I meant it.” With that, Alex turned and stormed back out of the kitchen. This time the slammed door was the front door after he called out “don’t follow me!” to the three left standing in the kitchen.


End file.
